Part time worker with full time hours

So my work schedule this week has me both happy and irritated... Happy, because I'm getting a lot of hours. Irritated, because I only have one day off, and that day just happens to be the day that Anna works. So I'm gonna be working 48 hours this week, and the only times I can see Anna are before I go to work, and on Friday before she goes to work...

Don't get me wrong now, I love working at the Hotel. They moved me to Trevi 5, the contemporary Italian restaurant right there by the lobby. It's a lot more face-paced than the main kitchen, and they actually need me there. I've been working the salad and pizza line, and some nights I close the kitchen, meaning that I'm there until midnight and get to lock up and turn off everything.

If my thinking is correct, this Friday is pay day, and I'm super excited to see my check. lol

Anyway... that's all I can really think of right now.... ttfn

When life gives you lemons, make life take the lemons back!

Title quote courtesy of Portal 2. I haven't played it yet, but I've listened to my roommate at JWU play it, and I love the quotes from it. haha

Anyway, not really much to talk about right now... Just felt like writing a bit, but didn't have any ideas for Bleeding Hearts, Eternal Darkness, or anything else... Which is a bit depressing...

I work today and from 3-11:30 and then on Sunday from 7-3:30... I'm gonna be exhausted by the time I get a day off, and today I'll be able to see when I actually do have my days off next week... Hopefully they aren't on days when Anna has to work... that would irritate me a bit...

Anyway... Work at the Hotel is fairly decent so far. All they really have me doing is prep work, which is fine with me. I mean, if they wanna pay me 11.24/hour to be a prep cook, so be it. I'll give them my 8 hours and take their $88. The executive chef came up to me yesterday and told me that he's gonna move me around a bit while I'm working there. Instead of just being in the CDR kitchen and helping the banquet kitchen when I'm not needed (At all), he's gonna send me to Trevi 5 some days... I'm not entirely sure if I'll know that I'm going there before hand, or if somebody will just come up to me and tell me to go there, but I don't really care, cause I'm thinking there's a chance that I'll actually be on the line, which is what I love to do.

Well, that's about it for now... I'll be sure to try to update again soon... assuming there's more stuff to say. haha

TTFN

Company Orientation and my work schedule

So yesterday I had my company orientation for HE&R (Hershey Entertainment and Resorts). Let me tell you, that was the longest 4 hours of my life... On the bright side, I'm gonna see those 4 hours on my first paycheck, which I get the Friday after next.

After orientation, I went up to the Hotel to meet my boss and get a tour of the place. I was given menus to look over and shown around the kitchen, and then I was shown my schedule for this coming week. I work Monday 2-10:30, have Tuesday and Wednesday off, then I work Thursday-Saturday 3-11:30 and Sunday 7-3:30. To sum that all up for those of you who don't like to do math, I'm gonna be working my ass of to earn that $11/hour, but with 42.5 hours a week and the kickass addition to my resume, it's totally worth it.

I'm hoping to see Anna today, but I'm not sure how well that's gonna work with her working from 3-7 today... We're definitely gonna have to cherish every second we get together now that I'm gonna be working 40+ hours a week... On the bright side, I'll have money to take her out to do pretty much anything we might wanna do :)

Hotel Hershey

So for the past week, I've been stressing and getting all anxious because I was expecting a phone call from Chef Gladysz, the executive chef at the Hotel Hershey about going to work there this summer. Well, today I finally got the call from him! :)

I'm going to be working in the kitchen that serves the circular dining room and handles room service, so I'm gonna be working my ass off and making $11/hour. I'm gonna be super happy working there. haha

Not much else to report on... Me and Anna worked things out, like I knew we would, and everything seems to be panning out nicely for once. Anna's mom hates me because of how often Anna and I fought while I was down in Charlotte and acting like she doesn't, but that doesn't surprise me much. The way I look at it, if she doesn't wanna talk to me about it, that's her problem, not mine. It doesn't change the fact that I love Anna more than anything else in the world, and it doesn't change the fact that I plan on spending the rest of my life with her... So yeah...

Well, that's all I can think of to say, so I'm just gonna end now... TTFN

Rant... just so you know

So last night, me and Anna got into it a bit. My friends and I were sitting in the dining hall for 3, almost 4 hours last night just talking about whatever came to mind, which usually means theoretical physics, theology and philosophy. I don't know if any of you knows, or even cares, but I'm what could be called a Free Thinker, which is a philosophical viewpoint that holds that opinions should be formed on the basis of science, logic, and reason, and should not be influenced by authority, tradition, or any dogma. To put it bluntly, believe in what has been proven to you, and don't let anybody else tell you what to believe.

Anna, being the wonderful person she is, asked what we were talking about, just to be nice and so she could comment on it. Naturally, I told her that we were discussing philosophy, physics, and theology. She didn't show any interest in any of that, but I, not having anything else to talk about and knowing that Anna doesn't like silence, started going into detail about what we were talking about. The freshest thing in my mind happened to be theology, so I told her what was said, which was a very bad thing to do. First, because Anna hates talking about anything that could make her start to question her beliefs. Second, because once I start talking about that kind of stuff, I don't stop until I say everything that's on my mind. Bad combination, as you can see.

Anyway, I started saying how if God had a Divine Plan, then that would show that we have no Free Will, but if we have Free Will, that shows that God doesn't have a Divine Plan. Anna argued that God knew what we were gonna do before we did it, but still gave us a choice (Don't ask me to explain how that works, because I have no idea how Christian logic works). I started saying that if God knew what we were gonna do in life, that there was no point in life then, and he should just create us in Heaven. Basically, I was giving a logical counterpoint to every argument that Anna made.

Now, Anna had gone through a very dark time a few years ago and religion pulled her out of it, and I had no idea how much she needed it. I hurt her really badly with what I had said... It didn't help that after she had calmed down a bit, I started talking about Stem Cell research, which, for some insane reason, she's completely against because it's "Playing God". I gave her a hypothetical situation asking "What if you gave birth and your child was blind, but the doctor told you, 'if we use stem cells, we can allow your child to see again.'?" This, of course, stemmed from the fact that a few months ago, Japanese scientists grew an eyeball in a lab using stem cells. That just threw her over the edge again, because in the scenario, what would be done for the best interest of the child went against Anna's beliefs.

What really got me, though, was that Anna shouted "Science can go screw itself!" and that cut me worse than anything she's ever said to me. She KNOWS what's happened in my past. She KNOWS why I'm unable to believe that there's a God. She KNOWS why I believe in science so vehemently.

Just to clarify for those of you who don't know, or for those of you who've forgotten: My brother died of Neuroblastoma (Cancer of the nervous system). EVERYBODY WE KNEW prayed DAILY for him to get better. I went to church every Sunday and poured my heart and soul into praying that he would get better. Wanna know what happened? He got worse. The ONLY thing that prevented him from dying sooner was the medicine that SCIENCE created. The ONLY thing that dulled the pain that he had to suffer through was the pain medication that SCIENCE created. The ONLY thing that could have saved my brother, and the only thing that can prevent other people from suffering like he did, is science. And Anna wants to say that "Science can go screw itself" She doesn't even realize that science is what saved our lives just over a year ago. She doesn't realize that science is what's keeping me alive right now. She doesn't even realize that science is the only reason I can talk to her on a daily basis.

And all she wants is a hug, and I can't fucking give her one. I can't show her how sorry I am for hurting her so much this year. I've been fucking miserable, and I have to hide it from everybody. I have to live with all of this and bite my tongue to keep people happy, because God forbid that I say what's on my mind anymore. It'll only piss somebody off and make them wanna slap me... This is why I need a punching bag.

Freaking out

ARGH!!! I'm freaking out so much right now! I just watched Episode 2 of Season 6 of Doctor Who and my mind is just racing a million miles a minute because of it!


*SPOILER ALERT*






















That little girl is the cause of it all. Is it really Amy's daughter? Why the HELL is she regenerating? If she is Amy's daughter, was the pregnancy effected by the TARDIS? Is that why she can regenerate? Does she only have 12 regenerations? Is it possible that she is going to become River Song? What the hell happened to Jenny, anyway? ARGH!!!!!!!!!! This season is going to blow my mind in every direction...

I mean, I KNOW that the little girl can't be the Doctor's daughter, because she's at least half human, and any REAL Doctor Who fan knows that Timelords are sterile because of the Pythia (This is the main reason I hate the 1996 Doctor Who movie where the Doctor and the Master state that the Doctor is half human). Hell, the only reason Jenny exists is because the Doctor was forced to use a Progenation Machine (A machine that creates a fully functional young adult using the DNA of only one parent). Ugh... too much to think about... I need somebody to bounce ideas off of... unfortunately, Anna hasn't seen any of season six yet, and nobody else seems to know anything more than what's been revealed since Christopher Eccleston, and even then, their information is askew because they didn't pay attention properly. *Sigh*







*NO MORE SPOILERS*

Anyway... There really isn't much for me to talk about today... After all, the day just started. haha... I'm gonna finish my laundry, grab some lunch, then screw around until I decided to do my homework... That's basically what I do every Sunday... sadly... Oh well...


TTFN

3 more weeks

As I was talking to Anna last night, I had realized, around 10 o'clock, that it would be exactly three weeks, almost down to the minute, until I'd be getting home. This year just flew by. It feels like it's only been two, maybe three months when I think about the days... granted, when I think about how long it's been since I've seen Anna, it feels like it's been years... It's amazing how looking at two different things can make the time seem both short and long at the same time.

Speaking of time... I completely forgot that the new season of Doctor Who started last Saturday! What the hell is wrong with me!? Sweet Jebus, I need to go watch that first episode right now... No time to say anything else... TTYL

So... much... fried... food...

So I started FFP (Fundamentals of Food-service Production) Thursday of last week. I probably should have told you about it then, but I had other things on my mind... Anyway, today my group made Fried Chicken, Mac and Cheese, and Haricot Vert au Beurre (Green Beans with butter). I made the Mornay Sauce for the mac and cheese (Mornay = really fucking delicious cheese sauce). I also fried the chicken, and managed to splash myself with hot oil. Didn't hurt too much. Thankfully, working at the Eagle in Fredericksburg helped me get used to oil burns... surprisingly, they don't really leave marks. Then I managed to burn myself on the steam table. That does leave a mark, but it doesn't hurt as long... Burns are weird... haha...

Anyway, FFP basically teaches pan frying and sauteing, and we get to eat what we make... Needless to say, I've been eating a lot of fried food, which is making me impatient for the student center to open up, cause I don't wanna put on any more weight than I already have.... Yes, I'm aware that made me sound like a girl. STFU.

So yeah... There's only 6 more days of FFP, then 9 days of Meatcutting... 15 days of class total, which comes out to 3 weeks, not counting this week. My last day of class is May 19, so those of you who, for some exceptionally odd reason, miss me, you can contact me and might be able to see me on May 20 :)

Well, that's all for now... ttfn

The trouble with LDRs

First of all, if you don't know what an LDR is, it's a long distance relationship... And now that you know that, I'm sure you can at least, somewhat, understand what I'm going through. I mean, let's face it people, everybody has heard about how difficult LDRs are, but very few people are actually willing to go through with them. This post is going to be complaining about the difficulties, but I assure you, I believe that, if you have the right person, as I do, the difficulties are more than worth it.

Anyway, the moment I arrived in Charlotte, I was having mixed feelings (I know in previous posts, I've demonstrated just how sucky mixed feelings are). On one hand, I was super excited to be at college and be on my own. On the other, I was miserable because I knew that there was no way that I'd be able to see Anna until I had vacations or unless I was willing to spend a shit ton of money on a bus ticket for a 15 hour ride and only be able to see her for a day, maybe two (If I was exceptionally lucky). So those mixed feelings made me somewhat miserable. Of course, me being me, I didn't tell anybody about those feelings, and I didn't let them show. I pushed everything into the back of my mind and bottled up my feelings. Then, after a particularly stressful day in labs, Anna said something, I don't remember what, and I blew up on her. This was our first, and probably one of our worst, fights. Now, when I say it was our first, it was our first REAL fight. We had had a couple little ones about stupid little things, and a bunch of fake ones, but this one was big. As I remember it, this is what happened:

In order to relieve the stress I accumulated during a day of labs (And if you've ever worked in a kitchen, you know what kind of stress builds up. Double that and you have the stress of a culinary lab), I started playing Left 4 Dead 2. I'm sure everybody knows the amazing stress relief provided from violent video games, so I won't go into that. Anyway, while playing through campaigns, and especially while playing Versus or Co-op, I tended to ignore my phone going off due to text messages while playing, then I'd forget about the text messages while waiting for the next chapter to load or the next round to start. Anna, being the person she is, didn't want to start a fight with me, so she went to her friends to vent about how she felt my video games were replacing her. Her friends, namely our mutual friend, Beckie, who I introduced Anna to, in turn came to me to tell me to stop playing so many video games and pay more attention to Anna. I confronted Anna with this and that was the start of our fight. Come to think of it, that's how most of our really bad fights start. I do something that irritates Anna, she doesn't tell me about those feelings right away (which is, I feel, when every person on this planet would like to be informed about irritating the person they love), and then I find out indirectly, either through a friend, or, with our most recent fight, through her blog.

Now, I'm not prone to yelling unless I get super stressed, or super pissed. There are a handful of factors that can get me to one or both of those states. The stress part is obvious. Lots of work, lots of pressure, and knowing that not doing what I'm supposed to do could waste a hell of a lot of money and put me into premature debt. The anger part can be cause in one of two ways. People acting like there's nothing wrong when there is, and people not doing what they know they're supposed to be doing and then acting superior to everybody else. Anna, unfortunately, is the kind of person to act like everything is okay when it isn't. I don't know what triggered her to hide her feelings from me with that first fight, but I know me blowing up on her during that fight is the major cause of her continually doing it.

I'm the kind of person that likes to know about a problem as soon as it arises, and then I like to take care of said problem. If I'm presented with a problem when that problem starts to create more problems, then I get pissed. Both at the person who didn't tell me about the problem and at myself for not seeing it to begin with. With Anna, worry is added to the anger... Let me elaborate... In my mind, for some reason I've yet to figure out, I feel that if Anna can't talk to me and tell me when I did something wrong, how will she ever be able to talk to me and tell me when something major happens? Like, what if she falls in love with somebody else? Would she actually be able to tell me, or would she just cheat on me and hide it from me? What if I have to move clear across country and she has to leave all of her friends and family? Would she tell me about the feelings she'd be having about the move, or would she just bury those feelings and let them turn into resentment?

There's the word I've been working toward all along... I don't want Anna to resent me. In my chosen field, there are three rates that are very, very high... Drug use, Alcoholism, and Divorce. I feel confident in saying that I'll never use drugs, and that I'll be able to control myself when it comes to alcohol, but I know that divorce is something I can't control. I'll be working long hours and most likely won't be home very often. If I start my own restaurant, it'll be even worse. If Anna can't talk to me about things that are bothering her about our relationship, eventually, that will turn into resentment, and if she resents me, then she'll fall out of love with me, and that will lead to divorce... I'm gonna be completely honest with you people, there is nobody else on this planet who could even come close to Anna (for me at least). She is absolutely perfect for me, and I couldn't even imagine being with anybody but her. If she would leave me, it would destroy me.

Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't kill myself. I'm not that melodramatic. I would do what I always do when I'm depressed and miserable. Put my head down and work my ass off until I can't feel the pain anymore. The funny part is that no matter what happens between me and Anna, she will always be the reason I become successful. If we stay together and start a family (Which I sincerely hope we do), then keeping her happy and comfortable will be my motivation for success. If she leaves me (Because, let's face it, there's no way in hell that I'm gonna leave her), then I'll work my ass off and become successful anyway. I wouldn't be happy with the latter option, but either way, I plan on working my way to the top of the ladder. I'm tired of being upper-lower-middle class. Shit, I'd be happy with just being middle-class.

But I digress...

So let's recap, for those of you that are currently drooling on your keyboard due to the fact that you couldn't keep up with my train of thinking... The problem with LDRs... The distance sucks. You can't see or hold the person at all.. Unless you both have a webcam, then you can at least see the person... The fights are always worse. Always. Why? Because you can't make up properly. You can't give the person a hug and say "I'm sorry." They can't see just how much the fight hurt you, and you can't see how much the fight hurt them. In addition, any fear that you might have had to begin with is doubled for every 100 miles away you are from the person (Note: I'm 500 miles away from Anna. You'd have to double my fears five times. That's: 1-> 2 -> 4-> 8-> 16-> 32). All of that in addition to the mixed feeling of being at college and the gaping hole in my chest that's caused from being away from Anna... Yeah, I'm sure you can imagine just how much it sucks.


That is all...

So I've decided to finally make a post

It's been a while since I've posted anything, and I'm bored out of my mind.... The stupid dining center doesn't open until 10:30 Friday-Sunday, and Conor, my roommate, doesn't like to get up before noon, so I'm sitting on my computer, trying to find something to do, and I've realized that I've run out of entertaining things to do online... I know, it's amazing that in all the infinite wonder of the internet that I can't find anything to do. Well, it's kinda hard to find entertaining stuff when I don't wanna have anything with sound going, cause I don't wanna wake up Conor... I know, I'm too damn nice.

Anyway... I've decided to rant a little bit about something that irritates me... People complaining about not seeing their significant other. Now, I'm not talking about people that are in situations similar to my own (Having to go several MONTHS seeing only pictures of the other person). I'm talking about the people that only have to go a few days, or, heaven forbid, a week without seeing the person. I'm sick of it, to be completely honest. Yes, I can understand where they're coming from. I hated it when there was more than a few hours between me seeing Anna, and I bordered depressed when it was more than a day... But I never complained about it. Hell, I barely complain about having to go THREE MONTHS without seeing her... Sure, I talk to her on the phone almost every day (Now that I've pulled my head out of my ass and remembered that I can't stand not hearing her voice as often as possible), but I would definitely prefer it if I was actually with her. So, back to the rant... Those of you who bitch an moan about a period between a day and a week, STFU. You're probably less than a 30 minute drive away from your significant other. If you were so inclined, you could get in your car and go see them whenever the hell you want. Sure, it might be the middle of the night, but the fact remains. You could sneak out of your house, go to theirs, spend 3-4 hours with them, and still get home before the sun is up. For me, it's an 8-1/2 hour drive, one way. I have to plan an entire weekend and spend a shit-ton of money in order to spend one, maybe two, days back home. Let's face it people, I go to Johnson & Wales University. I don't have that kind of money just sitting around. Sure, some of the people here do, but unlike them, I come from a middle-class household and can't exactly have "mommy and daddy" just give me the money I would need to go home.

This brings me to another rant... I was told during orientation that just being a student here would get my foot in at a lot of restaurants around town. That's just a straight up lie. I put in God knows how many applications, and I haven't heard ANYTHING from ANYBODY. I was hoping to have a job down here so I could tell my mom that I didn't need her to give me any money while I'm down here, but that didn't fucking happen, so I have to rely on her to support me, which makes me feel like a useless piece of shit. I can't stand it when people give me money. I like to earn it myself. Shit, I even hate it when people give me money for my birthday or Christmas, even though it's what I ask for (because there are actually very few things that I want).

Anyway... I think that's enough for now... I feel a little better... I guess...

TTFN