So I haven't really had time to blog recently, what with tutoring, work and class. Even when I do have time to sit down at a computer, I usually have to do homework or I just don't feel like blogging. I mean, let's be honest, barely anybody reads this blog, so it's not like me not posting will ruin anybody's life.
Anyway... Yesterday I celebrated the big 2-1. After I got done with tutoring, I went to ABC and bought a bottle of Jack Daniels and a bottle of Captain Morgan, went back to my town house and, with the help of my good friends Beckie and David, drank 3/4 of each bottle.
Needless to say, I barely remember anything that happened last night. Wanna know what made it better? I had to wake up at 6 this morning to take Beckie to the train station and then head to a 7:30 Spanish class. Icing on the cake: Beckie missed her train, so we decided that she'll just hitch a ride with me back to PA when I leave Saturday night. She's gonna help me stay awake and probably drive a little bit. haha
Anyway, that's pretty much all I got for now... See? Even when I don't blog for a month, I still have nothing of interest to say.
Don't ask for a recipe, because I don't feel like typing one up right now
Me
- B. Christman
- I'm a Chef and writer who has an immense passion for what I do. I tend to rant and ramble on a variety of subjects, hence the title of this blog. The "in-training" part of the title comes from my belief that no matter how experienced a chef may be, he or she should always be training him- or herself and constantly striving to become better.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Monday, December 3, 2012
Ugh...
I hate when a new term starts at the end of the month... I spent over $300 on books, which wiped out my bank account. Now rent is due this week, and I have to hope that my paycheck gets deposited before the check I wrote for that starts to process...
Not only that, but my classes this term have a much higher workload than the classes I had last term, and Anna and I have been arguing a lot more often. I would say I wish I was 21 so I could drink, but with the way I'm wired, alcohol wouldn't make me feel better... Sure, it'd distract me a bit, but I'm not the kind of person to drink out of stress. I drink to help myself unwind and relax after a long day. I mean... Yeah, I use it to get rid of work-related stress, but that's all it does for me. Financial, academic and romantic stress can't be solved with alcohol... Not when it comes to me anyway.
I guess what it comes to is that I'm terrified. I can work through the academic stuff, no problem. It's the financial and romantic stuff that's getting to me most...
I'm barely making enough money to get by. I literally have just enough in my checking account to cover my bills, assuming my rent check doesn't start to process until Friday. Granted, after this week, things will get a little better, but this situation will probably come up next month. Won't be as bad, but it's still gonna be stressful.
The romantic stuff is what's really getting to me right now though... I feel like Anna is starting to drift away from me, and there's nothing I can do about it. I try to talk to her every day, but her extracurriculars keep her really busy, and when she's not doing that, she's with her friends, which means she can't exactly talk to me, even through text messages. And when we do talk, we almost always end up getting into an argument over something trivial, and then it turns into her accusing me of making her look and feel stupid and saying that I don't understand her and that I'm an asshole because I can't follow the logic that she doesn't even try to explain. Sometimes I find myself wondering if she's trying to find an excuse to break up with me... Sometimes I feel like she doesn't love me as much as she used to, and when I feel like that, I can't stop myself from wondering if she's interested in someone else. Then I think about how the only reason she agreed to go out with me in the first place was due to pity, and wonder if its that same pity that's keeping her from breaking up with me...
And, of course, no matter how many times I tell myself that Anna wouldn't lie about how she feels, I can't shake the fear that she is. Before Anna and I got together, I spent six months o my life believing that someone had feelings for me, only to find out that she had been lying about how she felt since the beginning. That's hard to recover from. Just over three years later and I'm only recently able to look at the girl without remembering what she did to me, but even so, the fear is there and it's going away. Hell, right now it's stronger than it's ever been...
And of course, I know that the next time I see her, these stupid feelings will go away... Because that's how it always goes
Sorry about the emotional outpouring, but it needed to be done...
Not only that, but my classes this term have a much higher workload than the classes I had last term, and Anna and I have been arguing a lot more often. I would say I wish I was 21 so I could drink, but with the way I'm wired, alcohol wouldn't make me feel better... Sure, it'd distract me a bit, but I'm not the kind of person to drink out of stress. I drink to help myself unwind and relax after a long day. I mean... Yeah, I use it to get rid of work-related stress, but that's all it does for me. Financial, academic and romantic stress can't be solved with alcohol... Not when it comes to me anyway.
I guess what it comes to is that I'm terrified. I can work through the academic stuff, no problem. It's the financial and romantic stuff that's getting to me most...
I'm barely making enough money to get by. I literally have just enough in my checking account to cover my bills, assuming my rent check doesn't start to process until Friday. Granted, after this week, things will get a little better, but this situation will probably come up next month. Won't be as bad, but it's still gonna be stressful.
The romantic stuff is what's really getting to me right now though... I feel like Anna is starting to drift away from me, and there's nothing I can do about it. I try to talk to her every day, but her extracurriculars keep her really busy, and when she's not doing that, she's with her friends, which means she can't exactly talk to me, even through text messages. And when we do talk, we almost always end up getting into an argument over something trivial, and then it turns into her accusing me of making her look and feel stupid and saying that I don't understand her and that I'm an asshole because I can't follow the logic that she doesn't even try to explain. Sometimes I find myself wondering if she's trying to find an excuse to break up with me... Sometimes I feel like she doesn't love me as much as she used to, and when I feel like that, I can't stop myself from wondering if she's interested in someone else. Then I think about how the only reason she agreed to go out with me in the first place was due to pity, and wonder if its that same pity that's keeping her from breaking up with me...
And, of course, no matter how many times I tell myself that Anna wouldn't lie about how she feels, I can't shake the fear that she is. Before Anna and I got together, I spent six months o my life believing that someone had feelings for me, only to find out that she had been lying about how she felt since the beginning. That's hard to recover from. Just over three years later and I'm only recently able to look at the girl without remembering what she did to me, but even so, the fear is there and it's going away. Hell, right now it's stronger than it's ever been...
And of course, I know that the next time I see her, these stupid feelings will go away... Because that's how it always goes
Sorry about the emotional outpouring, but it needed to be done...
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